I am pretty frustrated at the moment, I am on hold, typing this, and I was also filling out a missing package form at USPS.com. Here is what I see after entering all of the details I was asked for about this missing package (when someone answering my call could have alleviated this frustration):

It is as if everything I am doing is just destined to become yet another delay. Earlier today my mother messaged me to ask “What have you two been doing?” as if I haven’t explaind before that I have been getting shit on over and over when it comes to all I am doing… Mostly, per my limited beliefs and awareness, because not one of my fathers, not the original father of mine, not the step dad of mine, not even the “in” or “out” laws of mine, can say a simple prayer for me. I am facing a battle, and nobody is helping. It is probably for the best, this battle is not theirs to engage in.

Mid sentence I just now got a pop up on this very application “A new version of this software is available” which interrupted my typing. The screen above is a screen that you see after another screen that prompted that service entry I was submitting which was prompted by yet another screen and so forth. The screen I got first? Your item was delivered! Then from there, I see that it was delivered to “78250” when I am at “78251”. Also, it was signed for by B GUIDRY, nobody who we know off the bat. Probably because we don’t even live in the same neighborhood.

The other day, I received a customized axis lock for a knife I was building. The customized piece is the only one in the world that exists. I got a notification on that day “Your item was delivered!” and immediately went to the mailbox finding no delivered item. I immediately got in my car and drove towards the exit of the neighborhood finding the post person just about to leave our subdivision. I pulled in front of them and they got out to ask if I needed help and I said I did, that I had received notification of an item that was delivered and then found it wasn’t.

The post person drove back with me to our mailboxes, opened the whole box that houses all the mail for my area, and sure enough the piece belonging to me was left in the wrong box, the box above mine. I am facing many unusual challenges of this nature that seem to wrench my heart back and forth because I would expect at some point for things to just “go right” after so many failed situations. What is happening in my world? Why do I have to spend any time and energy correcting other people’s errors? And why are the errors increasing so readily that it is now the expected outcome?

Am I manifesting these things, or does the fact they always work out right just lend to my theory that I am being smacked down over and over because I am such a terrible person? Is that why the hotel system owned by Forever Resorts in Big Bend covered up my artwork’s credentials? Am I such a loser and outcast in the world that people could not care less whether I get what is due to me, or am I getting what is due to me? Sometimes I cannot tell, but I can tell you for a fact that the only thing I am able to do at the moment is to barely hang on and wish you the best.

I hope you are having a much better time at this thing, life, than I am. I am enjoying it as best I can while also wondering what the point is if nobody cares enough to do the right thing pretty much immediately upon recognition of an error in the equation. To me, the really terrible errors are the fathers of mine. In so recognizing this, I, too, am a terrible error of an error. I am holding on, mom, to answer your question. So many people are in pain. I would love to sing a song that could change the tune of the entire world, but when are our fathers going to sing to us to comfort us?

For all who do not know, my father recently began to use methamphetamines. He burned down his house (a house willed to him by his parents) and then somehow my cousin, and older “man”, former mayor of Foresville, isolated my father away from me in a way where his very existence was hidden from me for over a month while dad’s property was signed over to my cousin who paid some of my dad’s aunts (even his own mom) varying amounts between $3k and $5k so that he could take over the property… Probably to give to his own children (steal from others and feed your own, right?).

What have we been doing? We have been enjoying life. All of the others in my life, including those asking questions without ever watching the videos I’m sharing about the world coming to dire scenarios in terms of wildlfie and nature in general, are simply adding complications for as long as I do not receive acknowledgement for that which I am due acknowledgement for. If I say that the shipping industry is experiencing shipping delays globally because the workers are simply not in it for those who they serve, and that our nation in general is not “in it” for those who we “serve” (one another), then I must be the one creating these illnesses in society… Right?

I don’t believe I am the one causing the ill. To point out a symptom and to treat it effectively, first it has to be acknowledged. Does anyone copy out there? Is anyone out there able to understand what I am saying? The temperatures are rising. Is this hell already? It has been in the 100s for weeks here in San Antonio. The animals are struggling. The plants are struggling. The people are struggling. Do we help one another out as we discard another plastic bottle cap or star fix cup on the trails? Do we help one another out by not responding to the emails that are sent between one another?

My wife’s birthday is this week. What have we been doing? We’ve been enjoying a birthday week like the only children we are. Alone and enjoying it… Without the delays that are caused by everyone else who is not listening or paying attention. If we do not pay, we certainly do not pay attention. For those who are paying and paying attention, trust me, I hear you fully. I have paid and I continue to pay. If you have never seen Shawshank Redemption, the movie, I feel as if I still have a way to go to make it through all of the sewage. I have been navigating the filth for some time now. Where are those who would wish good my way? 

It is 6:41 PM. I was JUST hung up on by the USPS person who started asking me to describe the situation. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t unkind, I was just hung up on by someone who literally could not understand what I was saying. They continued to ask me if I knew what it said on the package I received, but I have still not received this package. How could I say what it said on it if I haven’t received it? “Click”, I was hung up on. What have us two been up to? In my evening hours I have been going in circles. During the day I have been fighting off similar situations, but not in a “fighting” way… In a forgiving way.

How many times can I continue to be let down? A new friend of mine told me about his wife and his dog and the situation they had recently faced with their family and on top of everything they had going on, an auto accident also had to be added to the mix. Is everyone who is a bringer of light going through these dark times? How much can we continue to shine and how do we help shine life into one another’s day? Do any of us pray for one another effectively anymore? Do we care about one another? Do we only care to serve ourselves? I am not sure. What I am sure of is that if this music is to bring anyone else joy, it might also benefit me to have these situations bring me joy as well.

Please, God, please let Our Fathers be able to hear again and to be heard. Please let Our Sons hear Our Fathers. Please let our family shine light and hope through the darkness that is enveloping us so easily that we are literally not a priority anymore. By “we” I mean “we” as in “togetherness”. When was the last time Our Fathers were there at our celebrations of life? Do we celebrate life? What is family? I have so many questions, but I am not a judge. I am simply an observer. When it comes time to celebrate, whoever it is that we celebrate with, please, let us also celebrate creation itself. And let us be grateful for it.

I appreciate your time, you the reader, I appreciate your prayers. I appreciate that you talked with Our Fathers. I appreciate that you helped me to move forward when I had barely any strength to do it any longer on my own. I appreciate that I was still able to silently hold the hurt at bay while I celebrated the milestones and victories of others in my circles of friendship, near and far. I appreciate the offer for scripture to be sent to me daily, even when it never came. I appreciate the offers of comfort, even when it was simply convenience and entertainment that was offered. More than that, I appreciate the true love that shined through in the rare events that it did.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. It is now 6:53 PM and I am just clicking away the keyboard and minutes to get through this now 30+ expected wait time to speak with the next representative. Will the second time be a charm? I can’t fill out the form I need to fill out online, so how can I proceed without a phone representative answering my call and filling out the required form? Did I mention that our tax refund was delayed another 6-8 weeks because of some groundless follow up request that even our accountant said I could mail our local representative about? How much time do I have to beg for what is due to me?

I move forward as if there is zero time to beg, and I don’t beg. Whatever is meant to be will be. HIS will be done. Though there will be inconveniences, they seem to work themselves out… But only when more than one person believes in the same direction. What happens when all hope is lost among man”kind” and when Our Fathers don’t mean what they meant in the past? When Christmas is just about trees and gift exchanges and time off? Will the world come to a sudden end, or does it die in the same manner as our aged persons will die? Slowly and on a battery of prescriptions issued in one time use plastic bottles?

Wellness and Conservation. This site focuses on the same thing and it will continue to do so. This morning I awoke to a dream where I was telling my grandmother (deceased, but alive in my dreams) that her son was robbed by her other children. I could feel her heart begin to beat as I carried her around, she was old, but frail. I could carry her, and I was doing so in my dream. I could feel her heart begin to beat and then it beat faster as she heard the wrongs that were levied against her son. Aren’t we all children of the same creator? Imagine angering the creator in the ways we have by wronging one another in the ways we continue to wrong one another.

I wonder if our own hearts beat anymore, or if they just keep pace with whatever programming we feel we need to abide by. Do we care about one another? Do you pray for me to succeed the same way I pray for you to succeed? We are not the judge. We are only here as Children of The Creator to help one another. For me? I’ve done all I am able to on my own. To succeed beyond this level, I sure could use someone else’s prayers just the same way as I extend my prayers to you. Paying attention sometimes is the first thing we need to do. To acknowledge there is a problem is the first step towards resolving anything. Are you paying attention?